What does it mean to “live fierce?” For me, it means daring to uncover and embrace ALL parts of myself WITH compassion and WITHOUT apology.
I spent years of my life trying to prove my worthiness by being a “good girl”, pleasing others and twisting myself into being exactly who I thought I needed to be for them to be comfortable (yeah, I was really good at embracing the “shoulds” of life)… while at the same time (unconsciously) feeling a strong “something” within and trying not to be “too much”, – too honest, too direct or too strong because it might make others uncomfortable. Keeping all of THAT hidden/ suppressed – from myself and others- was a lot of work!
So here I am at 38, having collected many of the orphaned parts of myself, and STILL realizing that some parts – like my warmth, quirkiness, emotional side, and nurturing tendencies are much more comfortable to own publicly than my fierce strength, sexuality, or confidence. The learned “woman code” runs deep, and we live in a culture that teaches us to play small from VERY early on! Sharing my “softer gifts” still feels more safe and strangely comfortable . . But, I’m done with the safe path – I choose bigness and magic!
When I saw this photo, taken recently by a friend I met at hip-hop class (yes, Beyonce was playing at the moment this shot was taken) my immediate reaction was “Oh, I shouldn’t post that! It’s too _______” (fill in the blank with several “should-related” things). Whaaaat?! It’s a great picture, but part of me thought “It’s too sassy/ sexy/ fierce/ hard. . . . ” A part of me was continuing to react from the boatload of accumulated “shoulds” to play it safe + small. I instantly realized how much I was STILL diminishing some of those orphaned and suppressed parts!! No more, Loves. I see it now – another layer to be uncovered, and more parts of my truth to be owned without apology. And I choose to live an ever-growing and emerging, fully embodied version of my sensitive, intuitive, quirky, loving AND powerfully fierce and feisty self.
When we SEE where we are still hiding, we begin to have choice, and I CHOOSE wholeness. EVERY. DAY.